Too Far
by ruby lips above the water
Summary: In which Merlin is left behind and forgotten about too many times. (Also known as the time I got so tired at the show's attempt at humor in the later episodes) AU, gen, One!Shot
1. Too Far

**Disclaimer** I do not own _Merlin_ , or anything related to it

 **Summary** In which Merlin is left behind and forgotten about too many times. (Also known as the time I got so tired at the show's attempt at humor in the later episodes)

* * *

He tried hard not to let the knights see what he thought of their trick. Thankfully, (or maybe not) (maybe he wanted them to notice) they were all oblivious to the point of it being humorous. Maybe most of them had started out as commoners, (dirt, he should say) (scum) but it appeared as if they had all forgotten what it felt like to go days without food, to watch as your body slowly disintegrated.

But then they had pulled out a bowl of stew they had saved for him, and he didn't know what to think.

He probably should have told them what he thought about it. How he had sometimes gone so long without food in Ealdor that being deprived of it was not even close to funny.

He didn't end up telling them.

* * *

 _His name is Merlin_.

He hadn't been able to contain his smile at hearing Elyan say those four words. The words that spoke of their trust in him, their faith. Maybe he wasn't a true healer, maybe he wasn't even close to the skill that Gaius held, but the knights believed he would be able to help the villagers. That was all he needed.

* * *

And then everything had changed.

 _You're nothing but a sevant_.

 _You have no say in these matters_.

 _Keep_ _your_ _mouth_ _shut,_ _or_ _I'll_ _shut_ _it_ _for_ _you_.

He had been relieved to find out they had been enchanted. (but had Lamia made them say those things?) (those awful, awful things?) (or had they always been thinking that?) But he wasn't sure if he was happy that they had forgotten about it.

 _You alright, Merlin?_ Percival sat down beside him and he barely hid his flinch.

 _Yeah. I'm fine._ He pretended not to see Gwen's glare when he didn't mention what was on his mind. (why should he?) (if they couldn't remember, maybe it was best forgetting)

* * *

 _Arthur?_ He whispered. _Arthur? Gwaine? Percival?_ Scuffling from behind him stopped his attempts at trying to find the knights.

 _Lie still, Emrys._ And a creature with glowing blue skin appeared in his vision. (and for some reason, he knew he was safe)

 _Where are the knights? Are they safe? Arthur, where is_ -

The creature silenced his questions with a small wave of her hand. _They're safe. They're in Camelot. Now lie still. Your wounds have not finished healing_.

But he couldn't relax. (he wouldn't relax) _And Mordred?_ He demanded. _He isn't in_ _Camelot. He can't be_.

 _All the knights are in Camelot, including one who is about to be knighted_. The creature muttered a few more words, and he was suddenly able to feel his hand again.

Sitting up, he asked one more thing of the creature.

 _I'm sorry, Emrys. But the Druid boy is not Arthur's bane. Arthur is his own bane_.

He nodded, and sat up. _Thank you for healing me. I should get back to Camelot, now, before I'm missed._ And if he saw the pitying look the creature gave him, he gave no notice of it.

* * *

 _Where have you been?_ The voice startled him, and he almost dropped the tray he was carrying.

 _Pardon?_ He set the tray down and busied himself with tidying the floor of the room. _I_ _haven't been anywhere_.

 _Clearly you've been somewhere. We got back to Camelot three days ago_.

 _I only got back last night!_ But one glance at Arthur's face told him that he didn't believe him.

 _Yeah, right. Merlin, we wouldn't have left without you. Have you been in the tavern this whole time? Really, Merlin, I'm starting to believe you're worse than Gwaine_.

He shook his head and forced a grin. (why did he even try anymore?)

* * *

 _I had thought everything had gone unusually smoothly_.

He didn't let himself think about what Arthur had implied. He couldn't do anything about it right now, and besides, why would The Dolma care about Arthur's (meddlesome) (useless) (irritating) manservant. No. He wouldn't let himself think of what Arthur had said.

(but how could Arthur have forgotten?) (maybe last time it could be excused) (Arthur had been injured, and the king must always take priority)

(maybe he was just so happy that Gwen was back) (that had to be it)

* * *

 _You see, Merlin, we do have something in common, after all. The future of Camelot_.

He didn't reply. How could he, when he wasn't even sure what he was fighting for anymore? Of course, he was fighting for Albion, and the Once and Future King. (but how could he fight for Arthur, and Gwaine, and Leon, and Percival?) (how could he honorably defend them when they only thought of him as a servant?)

So yes, maybe he and Mordred were both fighting for the future of Camelot, but Merlin wasn't sure if he was fighting for Arthur anymore.

* * *

 **AN** This takes place during episodes _Aithusa_ , _Lamia_ , _Arthur's Bane Part Two_ , and _With_ _All My Heart_. Transcripts are from Merlin Wiki

 _postscript - I would like to acknowledge that I don't believe Arthur (or any of the knights, for that matter) would ever let their treatment go this far. I just took the idea and made it to the extreme_


	2. the sequel nobody asked for

_One thing I know for certain. That whoever did this lives among us. Whoever did this has betrayed us all._ She looked around the room. _Someone who is free to roam the citadel as they please, someone who has access to the king's stables, the king's prison, even the king's food. There is only one I know of._ She paused dramatically, and Merlin had a sinking feeling in his gut. _Merlin_.

The knights all looked at Merlin, then back at Gwen. While they showed mild hesitance, none of them spoke up. None of them tried to argue that Merlin couldn't (wouldn't) attempt to kill the king.

And all of them escorted him to the dungeons.

 _Merlin. I'm sorry about what happened to you. Truly. Soon as I heard, I told them it couldn't have been you who poisoned me. I had the cook confirm your alibi._

Merlin bowed his head. _Thank you._

 _I also told them you simply weren't bright enough to organize an assassination attempt._

He knew that was simply Arthur's way of trying to make light of a serious situation; something they had done since they met. That didn't mean he liked it. _That's very thoughtful._

The king came first. The king (always) came first. And yet Merlin couldn't help but feel betrayed. Leon, who he had spent the most time with, who had seen his devotion to the king countless times. Percival, who had been one of Lancelot's best friends, who had heard countless of his deeds from before Merlin met him. Mordred, who Merlin trusted as far as he could throw him (without magic), but knew of him as Emrys and Arthur as the Once and Future King. And Gwaine. Gwaine, who had been Merlin's friend before Arthur's.

And that didn't even matter. Because now he was nursing a heavily bruised arm and an even more bruised trust.

 _I can't do this anymore_ , he whispered to himself. _I don't know if I can fight for people who won't fight for me._

 _Did you say something, Merlin?_ Arthur had looked up from his writing, and apparently Merlin hadn't been as quiet as he thought he had been.

He forced a smile on his face. (he doesn't remember the last time he smiled for real) _Only that you make more of a mess than a dozen babies just learning to walk._

 _Oi!_ When he threw a goblet at Merlin's head, he didn't have the energy to dodge it.


End file.
